The inner thought of that persona

Greeting Text

Hallo. Hallo. Is this thing on?


The sky is a soft shade of blue and the sun is out. The clouds are thicken as I looked up and suddenly sensing loud thunder and heavy rain is going to come out. Somehow the painter still paints that image of happiness and the kids at the corner of the block whistle blissfully as they ran to the ice cream truck. 


I, unfortunately, am cloaked in an unshakable nervousness. 


It has been a rather bizarre few weeks thus far and it is about to end swiftly. 


It was strange to think that just 3 months ago everything seems so unreal. And I would imagine things will so smoothly without a glitch. And now here I am panicking over Day X. Yeah I called SPM my Day X. Because I am nervous. Added to that, my recent results suck so my level of nervousness increases like 931 percent. 


Sometimes I can't help but to think can I pull this of? Can I walk out there alive? Can I be who I've always wanted to be? Am I good enough to deserve things I want? 


Allah....


I am not ready yet, with so many procrastinations preventing me from completing this most crucial tasks of my glorious school day, studying. It is rather stupid if we all look at it. We want to do it. We can do it. And yet we do not do it. Worse, we do it, later. 


Do not get me wrong. I have fought. Hard. But sometimes its like fighting a losing battle. Where no one lose and no one win. 


Sadness.


The sudden thought about leaving school. Leaving all the fun and laughter. Leaving your favourite teacher and your favourite subject always give me cancer. I am not the biggest fan of school but I too have memories I would miss at that school of mine. I have made some unbelieveable friends, you know the ones that shall never be forgotten and that shall remain always. I'm teribble at goodbyes. And they know that. So I have decided to keep them in my life and like it or not they just have to accept it, no compromise. 


I do hope my mind is well enough. And my mental as well as my physical is in great condition to overcome my lately crisis. To whoever out there reading this, you too, should take a great care of yourself. 
  

I believe good things come to those who wait. Who have worked hard, have patience and trust Allah. 


Well this seems to have gone on longer than expected. 


I shall return to bed where my fluffy pillows awaits me with open arms. 


To luck and never losing hope. 


Fh. x

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