Grateful

One night I was alone in my bedroom when my mother came in. She just sits next to me and we started talking about random things. That’s pretty much all we did that night, just talking. Its not like it was the first time we had the one-to-one talk, but that night particularly it felt different. Maybe its because I’ve been away for almost four months and we didn’t have the chance to talk. I guess being away for that long changed your way of thinking. Anyway, it was different.


All of a sudden I felt so content. Content with everything. I didn’t know what I was feeling at that time, it just felt good. It was so overwhelming and I wish I could feel the same every day. That exact moment, I carefully thanked Allah for everything.


I am thankful to have such good family. I am thankful to still have my parents with me and I know that even if I hit rock bottom, I’d still have them. I'm thankful that they are in great health right now. I can’t even express my love for my parents, even zillion of diamonds can’t repay everything they did for me. They have been through alot and I wish someday I’ll lift some of their burdens and make them happy and hopefully proud.


I am thankful to have made nice friends throughout my life. My close friends have helped me so much and I don’t know if I deserved all that. I’ve known alot of friends and every single one of them taught me something valuable. I am thankful that they accepted me for who I am, a total weirdo.


I am thankful with my physical appearances. For that I am able to perform my prayer properly, eat properly, sit properly, walk properly and wake up everyday without any problem. There are times when I feel jealous of other people who are better than me, smarter than me, skinnier or more talented. But when I think of it again, instead of dwelling of all the things I don’t have, I choose to accept and embrace myself. Everyone is different in their own way. Besides, who am I to even dare to feel like that, I am merely a servant who sins alot and Allah has kindly given me everything I need.


Most importantly, I am thankful to be born Muslim. I can’t imagined living not like one. I’m grateful that Allah chose me to be in this religion or else I’m doomed for eternity. Or else I would never see the beauty this peaceful religion has shown me. But I sin alot. I don’t always pray on time, I sometimes forgot to reach for the Quran, I have quite a temper, I rarely practiced the sunnah, I’m not a good daughter nor friends, sister and colleague. If Allah takes my life right now, frankly I don’t think I deserve jannah. That’s just how a messed up Muslim I am. Nonetheless, I didn’t want to wake up as a non-Muslim because being Muslim is the greatest part about me. I can't imagine not knowing the beautiful stories of Prophet Muhammad SAW, the heartwarming sound of azan, the mesmerizing surahs in Al-Quran and the life during fasting month. No matter how bad I'll turn into, I don't ever want to lose the part of Islam in me, no matter how little that part is. I regret every single sin that I did but being a human I am easily swayed by the lust of this dunya. I am weak and I am trying every single day to be better. I am thankful that Allah mercifully has given me countless chances to repent myself. SubhanaAllah, Allah doesn’t owe us let alone need us yet He still waits for us to repent.


MasyaAllah, indeed,
He is Al-Ghaffar; The Most Forgiving.

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