The Afterthought of My First Year of Law School



Assalamualaikum

My result for the first semester was quite good. But for my second semester, I flunked. I didn't failed any subjects but my pointer dropped. Macam jatuh dari bangunan paling tinggi di dunia dah perasaan dia ni. It was really bad, I got 2.46. This is by far the worst result ever, I never got below 3.00 before. I'm actually quite sad right now (baru tahu result semalam) but I still wanted to share you this. I got C for all of my law subjects. Yes all of them. Jap lemme cry a river.


I guess it's just not my rezeki this semester. It was a tough semester actually, my classes got all mixed up right from the start so I didn't have the chance to befriended with my classmates this semester, I moved out from dorm to a great condominium but had a hard time adjusting to the outside environment, my friend and I got into a small accident, I don't have anyone to ask about law late at night since I no longer live in the dorm, and I did the famous last-minute-study and it didn't do me any good, I forgot law student cannot, no it's impossible to study last minute for us, I could hardly memorise anything during finals, it was a huge mess. It was my fault anyway, I was reckless, I didn't think through. I should've studied harder, I shouldn't take things lightly.


But you know what? Not once was I told that it was okay to fail and that sometimes you are going to fail, and not once was I told how to deal with it. I was pressured into thinking that if I didn't get perfect grades, if I didn't pass my exams, if I didn't study enough, that I would be a failure my entire life. And guess what, that way of thinking is actually what caused me to flunk, what caused me to essentially break down under all the pressure that I put on myself. But I won't do that to myself now.


So this is for those that feel like their grades are slipping, they feel like failing and are terrified of what is going to happen because failure was never an option. You are allowed to fail. It will happen and it will be okay when it does happen, as long as you pick yourself up afterwards and stop beating yourself up over it.


I had a total meltdown last night and panicked myself but despite it all, I am going to my second year next month. There is always another way, as long as you keep trying and accept that failing is okay and sometimes might even leads you to better things.


Everyone knows it's hard. No matter what course you're taking, be it dentistry, law, engineering, biology, sports, medic, accounting, etc. But clearly it's worth it in some sense or we wouldn't all be sticking with it. And if you don't agree that it's worth it, do something else and stop discouraging people at the expense of making yourself feel wiser.


As much as I whine about law school, I'm learning so much and meeting incredible people on daily basis. Law school sucks but it's where I want to be right now.


There is no shame in struggling for your dreams. There is no shame in getting a bad grade or doing poorly on a few exams. You don't have to be brilliant at what you do from the start. Failing, even for a long time, does not mean you'll never succeed. I know so many of us are going to accomplish great things.


On a side note: I'm not this positive all the time but I just don't want to pursue my second year with the negative vibe of my first year. I want to move on. I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I don't want to be miserable. I want to enjoy my degree life as much as I can. And I want to study hard because I want to, not because I had to. Thank you mom and dad for giving me words of encouragement for the whole day, you two are my pillars of strength.


My mom was literally blaming my korean dramas for my result, no mom, Kim Woobin tidak bersalah!

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